Last week I drank every day…not a huge amount just a glass or two of wine. This week I’ve stopped as I worry about becoming an alcoholic. I think my parents are alcoholic- they drink over 20 bottles of wine a week between them, open a bottle as soon as they get in in the evening and the thought of spending an evening with them alcohol free….tricky.
Anyway…why drink? Because I’m bored. I never expected life to be so dull….to be so old, so fat, so married…To go to work, come home, cook, watch TV. And drinking; drinking makes it seem more fun; it creates some kind of barrier between chores and the rest. Some sort of illusion that I’m having fun. Also it helps me to cross over the sexual membrane (see American Pergatorio by John Heskill) ….so it isn’t just an illusion…it is more fun!
I’ve just read a book that described exactly how I feel; in fact there is millions of them that describe women lost in the daily minutia of everyday life….the idea that of all the wonder and beauty in the world I chose this..
The books tend to advise leaving the husband, and often becoming a lesbian. However I don’t think it’d help in my case; I love my partner desperately and he’s the best thing about my life. He makes the dull fun; the unmanageable manageable.I need to break out of the routine to do something different…but, but I still need to get my son to bed, take him to school, cook the dinner etc. And I don’t want to!!
So would becoming an alcoholic help? I’m not sure but I’ve got a bad feeling that I might not really enjoy the challenges that it would create for me to overcome.
