How to behave in the theatre…

Last weekend I went to the theatre with my son and five of his friends…they had a great time it was so cute to see them when they first meet. They all ran up and shook hands with each other. The performance was amazing with immense professionalism by the cast despite obvious provocations…..The children in our party gazed on completely capitavated…

However not all of the audience knew how to behave in the theatre…Here’s some tips; accumulated during several years of theatres and children.

1) Arrive on time or you will miss the begining. The show we saw on Saturday started at 2. People stopped arriving at 2.40. The first people left at 2.45; it was like watching a show on the M6.

2) Its ment to be fun. If you tell your children off the whole time they won’t enjoy it…Plus its far more annoying to here you shouting at your child than whatever your child is doing. 

3) If you are only 4ft high then its OK to stand. You won’t block anyones view.

4) Sweets make children hyper…if you feed them sweets and coke for the whole of the first half (to keep them quite) don’t expect them to be calm in the second half. 

5) Theatre is for boys as well as girls. Whenever I take my son there are loads of mother daughter combos but stories, acting and dressing up isn’t just for girls. The 5 we took at the weekend loved it. The girls might like football for a change.

6) Go for a run first! Children find it difficult to sit still- take them for a run first to use up some of their energy…then they will enjoy it.

7) Wear comfortable clothes; linen suits may be de-riguer for adults at the theatre but are not suitable for 4 year olds. Ties are unnecessary. Relax; enjoy yourself.   Don’t pay too much for tickets; if it costs too much you will have too much invested in it working out and can’t relax…or bail if its a disaster.

9) Avoid anything you think you might not understand. We went to a performance with fully integrated sign language…one character spoke; the other signed. You could guess what the signing character said from the speaking characters reaction…Too much thinking for a 4 year old…

10) If the special needs kid behind you makes noises like a kazoo the whole way through…ignore it- they are enjoying themselves…If its the mum you can comment!

Feeling Guilty

I didn’t vote in the local elections. I feel really guilty as I believe in the moral duty to vote. I had tried to forget about it but today one of my students bought an article carefully saved from the Times titled ‘Why It Matters’. As I’ve lectured them about the importance of voting; the key features of liberal democracy and the relationship between central and local government; he assumed I would be interested. He assumed I cared.

The working woman fought long and hard for the vote; as did the working man. The last 100 years has seem an enormous social upheaval- almost a revolution that has taken power from the property owning minority to the many. Now we have that power we should use it.

So why didn’t I vote?

Is it because it was local elections?

No; I do generally agree with the article that local government still has some significant powers that affect local quality of life.

Is it because it was too damn difficult?

No; Its a 3 min walk on safe well lit streets to the local school; I’m on the elctoral register. All I have to do is turn up with my card and put a cross in a box. I should be able to make the effort.

Is it because I don’t know who to vote for?

Partly; my local council is inefficent and overspending. It has poor control of resources and a lack of independence in its finance function. It is however controlled by a party I feel ideological affinity too.

Is it because I don’t care?

Again partly; my local seat is not threatened my any extremist parties and I don’t really think it matters which of the other parties gets in. Also I don’t consider myself to be at home; I don’t feel that I’m permanent here- that I care about this town. Which is just silly as I live here, work here and send my son to school here.

However this is not enough to excuse the dereliction of my social duty. I will vote next time.

 

Sometimes its OK to get into a car with a strange man…

Recently I got into a car with a strange man….I’d had a really long day; up at 5.30, teaching for 7 hours, travelling to London…and and then across London via late tubes to find my hotel… I arrived at my hotel ready to sink into bed to find they had lost my booking…I could have cried…infact I did cry. I came out of the hotel in tears…I stood in the raining contemplating my next move when a man came out of the hotel in a car. He had been delivering pizza whilst I was refused a room. He offered to drive me to a hotel…After I got in I started to panic…oh my god what if this was the most stupid thing I’d ever done; what if he was a rapist…or a murderer.

 Fortunately he wasn’t. He drove me to a hotel, and waited for me. When I couldn’t find a vacancy he took me to another hotel. He didn’t ask for money or try to asault me. He was just kind.

 I’ve had such a lovely weekend; on Sunday we went to the Cotswolds with some friend walking- we visited a water park where people were canoeing; my son and his friend went down to the edge of the water where some canoeists were relaunching and got into a protracted discussion with them about crocodiles…the canoeists showed the children an animal they found and generally engaged with the boys. I thought it was a lovely kind thing for them to do.

It reminded me of the other things people have done for me; the skateboarders who carried my shopping home; the man who watched my son sleeping on a train whilst I unloaded all my luggage; the person who gave me money for the nappy machine on a stressed shopping Saturday when I ran out of nappies…..and the many people who’ve helped me up steps, onto trains and to amuse my child in airports, train stations etc.

 

 

 

 

Why are you here?

Most of my students are adults. They come on the course on day release and study at home. Its challenging and takes 3 and a half years. At the moment some of my students are studying for a 7 hour exam….those with dyslexia get extra time. This could be considered cruel and unusual torture.

They are studying accountancy; which to be frank is not that interesting. Some of the things you can do with it are interesting but studying it…no.

Occasionally my students say things that make me wonder why they are here;

‘I used to be an astronomer in Hawai’

‘I grew up in the circus’

‘I’ve only got a year to live and I want to complete this before I die’*

I have dyscalculia

‘I have a 4 month old baby and I’m still on maternity leave’

Ah…The last one makes me very uncomfortable; I’m not sure I’m happy with a thought process that flags this up.  When I had a baby I still wanted to be a professional; yes it probably is more challenging if you have family commitments but I wouldn’t be so suprised if it was a guy with a 4 month old baby.

And why? Because I still after everything tend to asume that she’ll be caring for the baby.

*Unfortunately although he sat his exams prior to dying the qualification had to be awarded after he died.

And suddenly my life changed…

 

My life has changed…I always felt that I didn’t want to be one of these parents who were defined by their children; you know the type; who reply to every query with a little anecdote about little Jonny…so a casual ‘how are you?’ is answered with a discourse on little Jonnys sleeping patterns…And such a funny story about the time little Jonny ate broccoli…

 

However my life has changed; its changed because my son has changed. He’s met people who are more fun than me! (I know imagine how fun must they be!). But there are now people who he’d rather be with than me. And I’ve started inviting them round to our house; or meeting up with their mums….Its like I can breathe again.

 

These other people (lets call them friends) actually want to play Thomas or gnomes or made up superheros for as many hours as he does; which lets be frank- I don’t!

 

And I’m not pregnant….so I don’t have to start again and can get back to planning my trip to China!

Many a woman in England….

I’ve been experimenting with natural mathods of contraception this month…I say experimenting because I didn’t do it properly with charts and thermometers I just counted the days from the begining of my cycle. I did the count at a point when I really wanted to have sex and was not at home……

I’ve been waking up in the mornings feeling sick, my breasts are tender……

I’m quite excited really. although we had decided not to have more children as there are adventures we would like to have that we feel would be difficult with an additional child. In many ways I’d like to have a child with someone else and co-parent….but I’m not sure I know anyone who’d like to share a child with me….

Childcare and pedantry

In the Guardian last weekend an ‘interfering’ sister had written in to complain that her sister was saving money by leaving her kids with their grandparents and therefore avoiding childcare costs. The sister was unsure what to do as she felt her parents were being taken advantage of. The winning response stated that childcare costs could be reclaimed through tax credits and that 80% of childcare costs can be reclaimed in this way. This is a common misconception and its NOT TRUE. At least not for most of us. The reality is that you can reclaim 80% of childcare costs if you earn less than £13,000. Most of us receive no help at all.

 

And childcare is expensive- its like a second mortgage. My nursery fees were about £600 per month. This was considered cheap- especially by my London friends. When I had my son I resolved never to moan about childcare costs and I’ve tried to stick to that but it annoys me that there is a perception that the government is helping with costs.

 

The expense of childcare makes it difficult for people in lower paid (but not poverty level) jobs to make sensible decisions regarding work and chidcare; with woman often having to compromise their careers or standards.

 

I would also like to point out that I arrange my life in such away that I can afford childcare and do not think the government should help me. However I do think that misconceptions about childcare help to hide the real situation for many families.

 

And whilst I’m in a pedantic mood the following website is a test of your vocabulary. For every question you get right they donate rice to starving people.

 

http://www.freerice.com/index.php

 

However they define pedantic* as ‘bookish’, which is incorrect. As a pedant I feel the need to point this out. Although even dictionaries sometimes fail to meet my pedantic standards; I once got very annoyed with the pocket OED as a word in the preface wasn’t then defined in the dictionary.

 

 

* Pedantic: person who is excessively concerned with minor detail or with displaying technical knowledge.