I have a friend (no really I’m not making this up) who can be a little flirtatious when drunk. When very drunk she’s very flirtatious. At one point (about 2 years ago) she snogged my husband…we don’t have that type of relationship. Over the last 2 years I’ve struggled to remain friends with her…after all he is the one who made promises and broke them. I didn’t really manage to pull off the forgiveness thing, partly because she tried it again and also because she seemed to think that she was absolved of responsibility because she was drunk. I’ve also felt I’ve heard a LOT about her marriage over the years and that my problems are dull and something I keep to myself.
Anyway, she has a young baby (7 months old) and she’s found it really difficult. She has PND and is now taking antidepressants. Her baby was in trouble when it was born and still seems immature for its age…..Although it could just be that my son was a child prodigy (of course!). Anyway I’ve been feeling really bad about not being there for her but also haven’t really felt generous enough to go out of my way…
On Thursday night we went out for a drink with another friend. I met the flirty friend at hers and we went to the pub where she told me that her husband had said he wasn’t in love with her anymore and wanted to separate. I was really shocked because I always thought if anything she’d leave him. I tried to give supportive constructive advice along the lines of actually having separated parents is OK, and I‘m sure you’ll work it out.
Then we got drunk….very drunk. we talked about the husband kissing thing and I tried to tell her I was there for her now…proper drunk talk now your by best friend I love you. She was also showing off her weight loss and return to pre-pregnancy weight I told her she looked great. Then she said ‘well aren’t you going to kiss me’
To which I had to say….I hadn’t been thinking of it.
A little later her husband came downstairs and said I heard you. We apologised, thought we’d woken him. He thought he’d overheard us agreeing to make a go of it together and wanted to say…its Ok.
Somehow this all made me feel that my marriage was threatened- after all it was tested to the edge by the husband kissing incident. Phrases like ‘I think I’m in love with the both of you’ weren’t reassuring. I told my husband how I felt and he said well you can have a relationship with her if you like.
I think he was trying to be thoughtful but I feel sad that he doesn’t want me.
