My husband and I like to consider that gender isn’t important in our relationship; that neither of us has predefined roles to fulfil. I suppose we like to think that having a house and a child is a joint project.
However generally speaking he’s better in the house than I am. He seems to enjoy being at home more than I do and to be better at staying on top of it all than I am.
I’m more interested in my career than he has been in his. He has tended to avoid additional responsibility and not apply for promotion etc. he likes the technical aspects of his job but isn’t really interested in managing others or brown nosing the boss. Where as I enjoy a challenge and find my work quite exciting.
So I suppose we have prioritised my career as it means more to me. Other people are shockingly judgemental about this decision.
The other night in the pub I was teasing him slightly as he has done quite well in his career despite himself! He is well thought of at work and earns reasonable money. I was teasing him about shirking responsibility and my friend said ‘why, why do you do that?’. He responded I’m not that interested. To which she replied ‘even though its worse for your son?’
I was so shocked as she works part time in-order to look after her child and has been a touch critical of my decision to work full time before. We defended ourselves as we don’t feel we can both go full pelt into our careers whilst having a child and we don’t want to.
She then started asking me if I expected my husband to pick up the things that I miss because I’m at work. I was unable to explain that I don’t think they are my things. Clearly the floor needs cleaning from time to time and from time to time one of us will do it. But I don’t feel that cleaning the floor (or cooking or knowing where the washing is) is my responsibility. My husband doesn’t wash the floor to help me out, he washes the floor because it needs washing.
The interesting thing about my relationship is how well it works.. My husband and I met in 1996 when we were both students. I fell in love with him from across the street and the more I got to know him the more I loved him. Our lives have changed dramatically over this time through times of unemployment (both), different types of jobs, additional studies, starting a family and we’ve always been able to make it work. My husband has loved me in my ball breaking career phases and my bread making periods.
Being together allows us both to be who we want to be even when that changes and I really wish that people would stop telling us we are doing it wrong!!
Tags: feminist parenting
