Many a woman in England….

I’ve been experimenting with natural mathods of contraception this month…I say experimenting because I didn’t do it properly with charts and thermometers I just counted the days from the begining of my cycle. I did the count at a point when I really wanted to have sex and was not at home……

I’ve been waking up in the mornings feeling sick, my breasts are tender……

I’m quite excited really. although we had decided not to have more children as there are adventures we would like to have that we feel would be difficult with an additional child. In many ways I’d like to have a child with someone else and co-parent….but I’m not sure I know anyone who’d like to share a child with me….

But you are my dad!

So in Coronation Street Audrey has just contacted Gails dad and told him he has a 50 year old daughter. People in my office find this incrediably unlikely but it reminded my of a story from my family.

My mum doesn’t know her father and on the approach of her 50th birthday decided she’d like to contact him. She knew who he was and everything and so got in touch. He reponded…but I’m not your father; didn’t your mother tell you?’ No being the obvious answer!

Anyway the story is that my grandmother was a nurse in a hospital where she met my grandfather who was in hospital for a hernia operation. After he was out they started courting and went away to a seaside cottage used by the nurses…there something happended and my grandmother became pregnant with twins! As to the something- it was the first time for both of them and he says ‘I wouldn’t call it sex- with the operation and everything’ . Anyway after my nana got pregnant he did the decent thing and married her and they had sex. Once he started having sex he thought well- if this is it then that wasn’t! The twins were born early as is the way with twins. Doubts filled his mind.

He asked my grandmother for a blood test to determine paternity. She said no- how could you not trust me? Arguments and violence ensued and he eventually moved out leaving her with 6 month old twins. He did the decent thing and kept his reasons for leaving to himself…in the small village where they lived he was outcast for abandoning his children and young wife. Nobody would have him and he was alone for 40 years before finding love again.

My mother had a DNA test which showed that he was actually her father and they began a sort of friendship. My grandmother maintains that all men are bastards; although she did remarry.

Druids

My son had a friend to play at the weekend. We went to the local museum for medieval day. it was great; its the first time he’s had a friend from school to play. He was really excited and I was a little nervous. I felt sure I could cope with the child but I do find the requirement to be ‘other peoples parents’ quite taxing. I worry that somehow I’m not going to pass myself of as an effective human being; that I won’t seem ‘normal’ enough.

 

The mum came and dropped off her son. I asked her what she was doing that afternoon. Well she said I’m a druid and we have a big ceremony today for Beltane. I have a large part to play so I can concentrate on that without *****’. I had no idea how to respond.

And to think- I was worried she would think I was bit of a hippy. I’ve never met a druid before.

Would it help to be an alcoholic?

Last week I drank every day…not a huge amount just a glass or two of wine. This week I’ve stopped as I worry about becoming an alcoholic. I think my parents are alcoholic- they drink over 20 bottles of wine a week between them, open a bottle as soon as they get in in the evening and the thought of spending an evening with them alcohol free….tricky.

 

Anyway…why drink? Because I’m bored. I never expected life to be so dull….to be so old, so fat, so married…To go to work, come home, cook, watch TV. And drinking; drinking makes it seem more fun; it creates some kind of barrier between chores and the rest. Some sort of illusion that I’m having fun. Also it helps me to cross over the sexual membrane (see American Pergatorio by John Heskill) ….so it isn’t just an illusion…it is more fun!

 

I’ve just read a book that  described exactly how I feel; in fact there is millions of them that describe women lost in the daily minutia of everyday life….the idea that of all the wonder and beauty in the world I chose this..

The books tend to advise leaving the husband, and often becoming a lesbian. However I don’t think it’d help in my case; I love my partner desperately and he’s the best thing about my life. He makes the dull fun; the unmanageable manageable.I need to break out of the routine to do something different…but, but I still need to get my son to bed, take him to school, cook the dinner etc. And I don’t want to!! 

So would becoming an alcoholic help? I’m not sure but I’ve got a bad feeling that I might not really enjoy the challenges that it would create for me to overcome.

What kind of sister?

In the ongoing saga of my brothers relationship breakdown I’ve found myself wondering what sort of sister am I? Do I pledge my loyality to the family relationship to the girlfriend as a woman….

My brother and the girlfriend lived around 2 miles from my parents home in a northern city, he had a good job, she had a baby, he was happy, she was miserable. Her mum lives around 250 miles away in the southwest in a little wooden house on the edge of a river….The girlfriend asks the brother to move down there and give their baby a different life. He agrees- he wants them all to be happy. They rent out their home and move next door to the mother-in-law; and conviently next door to the grandmother-in-law. My brother gets a new job- the girlfriend is still miserable. She ends the relationship and moves back to northern city leaving him heartbroken, without his baby, living in between his ex inlaws. On top of the heartbrake of the relationship ending he feels she took him 250 miles to dump him.  

She now wants her equity from the family home and arguments break out about how much this is; he desperately wants to keep the house as he feels he’s lost everything else. So as his sister I can see that she shouldn’t have the equity; legally he put the cash in and now gets the house. However as the other sort of sister I feel great sympathy for her- she was the homemaker;looked after the child and spent any money she had on food, nappies etc. So should she now lose out?

As the argument drags on it looks more likely that lawyers will be involved and the discussion is ended- they get any cash available!

Would you have sex for £20,000?

This scenerio pops up all the time in films..often with amusing consequences….however in the ongoing saga of my brothers relationship break down this happended for real…

My brothers girlfriend dumped him; took the child and left him all alone…(ahhh..). The relationship breakdown came around 2 years after they poured everything they had (and everything the family had) into buying their first home. The girlfriend was expecting to get half the equity that had built up in the house (she estimated this at £20,000). He said no; he’d paid the mortgage; put more deposit in etc. Plus he’d lose the house if he had to give her £20,000. Legally he’s right she paid a fifth of the deposit and so gets a fifth of the equity…morally I think she may have a point…

Anyway she invites him up to the house, plies him with drink and seduces him….they spend a stormy night together…in the morning he thinks they may get back together….she whispers in his ear….so about the money….. He doesn’t give in and she immedietely stops talking to him…

So the question is, would you, could you sleep with somebody for money…or advantage? What if you’ve slept with them for love before? What if they’re cute?

Does my son have ADH?

No NO No….He definitely does not. I think my son is a thoughtful well behave boy; who broadly speaking does as he’s told; has the odd tantrum; and is slightly obsessive he really gets hold of an idea and likes to see it through. His teacher describes him as ‘lovely’ ; ‘adorable’; dreamy  and so so polite….She sees the boy I see. His friends and their parents seem to find him easy, his nursery teachers liked him.

However in our family he is somehow seen as this nightmare child who is totally out of control. My step-dad recently asked me if he had ADH and could perhaps be treated for his behavior…This behaviour consists of 1) being a fussy eater and 2) getting over excited. When he’s over excited he doesn’t go to sleep well…..The next day he’s overexcited and overtired….more tantrums…I admit here there is a case for me excercising more control at bedtime but I’m shocked at the desire to find a medical explanation…I’m also surprised that the child I have reflected back to me is so different from the one I see. I would think I was deluding myself but as the teachers see the same child I see…..

 

Whats so bad about that?

I had the scary sister-in-law to stay at the weekend. She has views and considers it her duty to express them…. On this occasion she felt my parenting skills were lacking….The precise sin I committed? Letting my 5 year old son have an IPod. Just to clarify I didn’t go out and buy an IPod for my 5 year old; but mine broke and I was soo gutted that I replaced it; my engineeringly minder partner then fixed the original one for his own use. The 5 year old then used it to listen to his favourite CD (World Playground) as dad didn’t want to hear it again…..he then referred to it as ‘my IPod’; nobody bothered to correct him.

 

Surely there are worse parenting sins?? My sister-in-law also believes that are children are polite and well behaved where as mine is a nightmare obviously as a result of poor parenting I personally have no opinions on other peoples parenting skills…afterall we all have to make a million decisions a day…most of these are based on compromise. And therefore its best if other people just stay out of it….

My eye..I lied

I am currently taking a week off work due to an eye injury. My son poked me in the eye with his finger nail. It hurt like hell…then hurt some more…This is the closest I’ve come to taking time off work for child related reasons…and I’ve lied about how the injury occurred. In my workplace parents with children are allowed 2 days special leave to cover breakdown of childcare arrangements etc. I have never taken this…  I feel it would undermine my position as a career focused women…the person who sits opposite me seems to have a child who often makes her late, absent or leave early…  Anyway I have yet again been completely impressed by the NHS- the injury occurred whilst away for the weekend (Blackpool, staying with friends not doing the tacky kiss me quick thing). I spent all day convincing myself that surely the problem would disappear but no such luck- so I ended up in A+E on bank holiday Sunday…where I was seen and treated within an hour. It was efficient polite and effective. Today I went to the eye clinic for a follow up; it was similarly quick, efficient, pleasant etc. The only thing I would change are the chairs- they are arranged in a kind of maze which makes it difficult to find a seat without volting over a row of chairs…tricky to negotiate with an eye injury.. 

Killing me with kindness

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/feb/27/worklifebalance

This article shows that woman who have babies often ‘waste’ their talents and move down the career lader. They ‘chose’ jobs that allow them to put their childcarre responsibilities first.  Quelle suprise….do we need studies to tell us this? 

 when i had my son I was a recently quaified accountant; I had asked my boss what i could do whilst on maternity leave to stay uptodate- he’d replied that I was going to be busy enough and we’d worry about it when I got back. When I returned from maternity leave I found that I was given a ‘light’workoad with little responsibility. This was an act of consideration…had I stayed I would have found that as I hadn’t done certain things I wouldn’t get promoted…however I wasn’t going to bwe given the opportunity to do anything.

I left. And took up a more demanding and rewarding job. I didn’t tell them I had a child at the interview….