Birthdays

 ! I’m no longer in my early 30s. This week I turned 34, I’m not sure how I feel about this. Turning 30 was good- I was on a high I was looking good, fab job,  great partner, lovely son and a house that was big enough to feel like an achievement…whats changed?? Not much…same job, same partner, same house…I’m a little fatter (size UK 14 so not exactly obese!)…I just don’t feel that things have moved on…and yet there is nothing I really want to change…What can I say?? I should be grateful- its just a likely strange to have achieved my life plan by 30. I kind of feel I have some time left over… The Birthday itself was lovely- thoughtful presents from those I love (well my son gave me a pink skipping rope but he chose it very careful). My partner took me to the theatre and to my favourite restaurant. The restaurant was amazing- its the Ikon in Birmingham; it serves authentic Catalan tapas and is one of the most interesting places I’ve been for vegetarian food…The theatre was very good but not gripping. We went to see the Lady from the Sea (Ibsen) it seemed to be very well done but a slightly odd play. Well almost 2 plays its the story of a family and the daughters are going through a very conventional life stuck out in the middle of nowhere waiting for husbands to rescue them….whilst the step mother loses her mind. She has fallen ion love with somebody other than the husband, somebody who represents the freedom of the sea (possibly a drowned man). She cannot rest- eventually he comes for her and her husband releases her to go with him…once given a choice that allows her to exercises her own free will she choses her husband and children and the much smaller world…The set was amazing operating on a number of levels and with real water and flowers, using reflections to create a sense of space…A little hard work with 1 eye….It did make me long for the sea….

My husband is perfect…

Its driving me crazy.I know that really I shouldn’t hold this against him but my husband is perfect. He shares the household chores (OK he does most of them), he’s the one who remembers to clean the sink and loads the dishwasher. He cooks sometimes and takes an equal responsibility for the childcare. If my son is ill then the school should phone the husband….However the thing that annoys me is that everybody tells me how damn wonderful he is!! If a woman were to do the same then nobody would mention it.  When I was studying accountancy people would ask me what the husband did whilst I was studied (to which I was always tempted to answer wank); when I have to stay over night for work people ask me where my son is (tied to the radiator) and seem to think that at home with his dad is a surprising answer…The school don’t phone the husband- however explicit my instructions…

Killing me with kindness

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/feb/27/worklifebalance

This article shows that woman who have babies often ‘waste’ their talents and move down the career lader. They ‘chose’ jobs that allow them to put their childcarre responsibilities first.  Quelle suprise….do we need studies to tell us this? 

 when i had my son I was a recently quaified accountant; I had asked my boss what i could do whilst on maternity leave to stay uptodate- he’d replied that I was going to be busy enough and we’d worry about it when I got back. When I returned from maternity leave I found that I was given a ‘light’workoad with little responsibility. This was an act of consideration…had I stayed I would have found that as I hadn’t done certain things I wouldn’t get promoted…however I wasn’t going to bwe given the opportunity to do anything.

I left. And took up a more demanding and rewarding job. I didn’t tell them I had a child at the interview….

I’m not a mother!!

It was Mothers Day on Sunday. My son made me a mothers day card at school and was delighted to give it to me. He also presented me with random stuff throughout the day (half a biscuit, a stone, a pine cone). I thought this was quite sweet.

 some friends of mine sent me text messages wishing me happy mothers day…somehow I found this disturbing and it made me want to shout I AM NOT A MUM!! Nobody texted me on my annual performance review day….

More disturbingly when my son was little (6 months) people kept asking me what my husband would get me for mothers day…to which I wanted to shout I’M NOT HIS MUM!! Luckily my husband knows this and got me nothing thus avoiding years of recrimination…

The feminist dieter

http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/wellbeing/story/0,,2255854,00.html

 I found this article really interesting. As somebody of variable weight (at present slightly overweight but not obese) I often feel that I’d like to be slimmer; a while ago I was and I liked how I felt. however i’m very reluctant to diet as I don’t feel I want to be obsessed with food…I hate the idea of counting Syns or Points or cals. I don’t want to see food as my enemy as after all i do have to eat. I feel its important to enjoy food… I also have a child and I don’t want him to grow up thinking food is ‘wrong’…and yet and yet I would like to be a bit slimmer!!

 This article inspired me to go on a diet…3 takeaways later i think i can safely say its going really badly!!

Should a women stay at home with their child?

Before I had my son I thought this debate was more or less over. I believed that the answer was maybe, depending on the women…the job…childcare…money etc.

Oh how wrong I was! My parents separated when I was small and made 2 new happy families. My dad and his wife took the approach that EVERYONE should stay home….live off the state and be creative…or smoke dope….the women still seemed to do the cooking….My mum and her husband ending up taking a conventional route…my mum stayed home step-dad went to work….later when I was about 10 my mum went back to uni….got a PhD became a university lecturer…but it was always second to my dads job…mainly because he earnt more…however she still did the cooking!

I was always given the impression that these arrangements were a result of skills/preferences/circumstances and did not reflect a belief that woman should cook, look after children etc. I was always told to go for it, work hard, achieve academically.

When I got pregnant I was 28, I was (am) a qualified accountant. I enjoyed my job; I worked hard to get where I was. So when I became pregnant I assumed that I would return to work…I arranged childcare, I interviewed nurseries….

When I was making plans top go back to work my step-dad kept saying well wait and see you might not want to leave the poor little sod, wait and see what happens….

Then the baby came along and I went on maternity leave for 6 months. I missed my job, the responsibility, challenge, people. I was bored. My family thought I had postnatal depression….

I was also very poor…..

On the first day I dropped him of at nursery my friends and colleagues said don’t worry if you cry its normal…When i dropped him off I took him up the steps and handed him over….as I did it I felt a familar smell and walked down the steps wth a song in my heart….for once this was somebodies elses problem!! Somebody else was taking over some of the chores and I knew they were capable.

When I got to work I had a cup of tea and nobody tried to grab it out of my hands….

Disability

As a teacher of a professional qualification I occasionally encounter people with disabilities. at present I’m teaching a blind student which raises all sorts of questions. The materials we use are all in microsoft friendly versions; she has software that allows her to have these read to her….however if they had to be translated into brail who should pay? In the exam she has a support assistant who helps her…who should pay for that? In the exam there are arks for presentation…should she explain presentational issues to the SA before the exam…should she gain presentation marks?

Once she has qualified she will be underaking a career that involves lots of paperwork..how can this be possible? She seems bright and intelligent so surely she should be allowed a career….

so far she says the classes are going quite well; although she can’t undertake class questions easily…..yesterday I pushed her into a wall. It wasn’t intentional but I’ve never lead a blind person before….

Dirty Beasts

I read this to my son (age 5) last night after a particular difficult day. Its fantastically awful and made him laugh with glee. Last week we visited the climbing wall and he said he’d like to give it a go. This week we booked him in for children’s climbing club. Friday night he wouldn’t go to sleep- he went to bed and played along and everything but didn’t actually go to sleep- by 10 o’clock we were feeling desperate and put a dvd on in our room for him…we all fell asleep watching Ice Age. Yesterday morning he woke up late but so moody (not tired at all honest) by the time he went to climbing he’d been moaning about it for a good 2 hours . One of his favourite tricks is refusing to leave the house. So we took him along and he kept looking interested and then running away- whenever the instructor tried to  show him the safety procedure he’d run off causing danger to himself and others.  So we took him home- at which point he ran off towards the door and car park. (What a brat) This was not safe and I completely lost it and read him the riot act on the way home….Things are going to be different from now on- your room will be a sleeping room, we’re gonna have rules- first I’m going top think of some rules then I’m going to enforce them….We spent the rest of the day taking pictures down from his room (it was looking a bit frantic), putting toys away and cleaning. He was very good and helpful and went to bed at 7 o’clock no problems….I really enjoyed reading Roald Dahl to him at bed time after buying it for 30p from a charity shop during the day.  Much to the consternation of the cashier who hated to see it go for that price. I found myself in the stupid position of debating the price of a 30p book for charity…. i’d have happily given him a couple of quid for it but it was actually priced at 30p. As vegetarians we found The Pig quite disgusting- first the farmer is going to eat the pig (lots of detail here) then the pig eats the farmer….unfortunately the boy (my boy)  didn’t eat anything and so was up in the night hungry….another crap night sleep.

A Short History of Nearly Everything

I’m currently reading this book and its driving me crazy! As well as a short history of scientific ideas its full of little anecdotes about scientists.  One of these is about James Parkinson- alround brilliant guy and keen researcher on Parkinsons disease (shaking palsy). Bryson tells us that he was the first guy to win a narural history museum in a competition; which made me wonder if previously people had won other types of musuems….. I shared this story with my husband who did a quick bit of internet research and found that Wikipedia claims that there are 2 James Parkinsons….one who was an all round great doctor and the other a property developer who won the museum that nearly drove him to ruin as it wasn’t ‘the done’ thing for a gentleman to charge admission to his museum and upkeep costs were high.

There are no other references to people winning museums (or indeed to this particular win)- Wikipedia is obviously not entirely reliable but in this case its so specific; and to be so so specifically wrong…

Bryson…hmmm well I wasn’t going to read this book because the last book he wrote that I read (Notes to a Small Island)  annoyed me so much! He referred to George Orwells Road to Wigan Pier as an example of poor research as Wigan doesn’t have a pier- Orwell actually knew this and was referring to a popular joke of the time….although I was also annoyed with him for disliking Manchester (my native town and first love) and for saying he couldn’t imagine why anybody would go to Bradford as it was such a dump (I’m paraphrasing here) and that Saltaire was wonderful…Saltaire is a part of Bradford and actually is like the rest of it but has been ‘gentified’.

 So anyway, I’m now reading this book but unsure wether to trust it or not…however I’m finding it really interesting to be reminded of the big ideas; big bang; infinity; neutrons, electrons….etc