What kind of sister?

In the ongoing saga of my brothers relationship breakdown I’ve found myself wondering what sort of sister am I? Do I pledge my loyality to the family relationship to the girlfriend as a woman….

My brother and the girlfriend lived around 2 miles from my parents home in a northern city, he had a good job, she had a baby, he was happy, she was miserable. Her mum lives around 250 miles away in the southwest in a little wooden house on the edge of a river….The girlfriend asks the brother to move down there and give their baby a different life. He agrees- he wants them all to be happy. They rent out their home and move next door to the mother-in-law; and conviently next door to the grandmother-in-law. My brother gets a new job- the girlfriend is still miserable. She ends the relationship and moves back to northern city leaving him heartbroken, without his baby, living in between his ex inlaws. On top of the heartbrake of the relationship ending he feels she took him 250 miles to dump him.  

She now wants her equity from the family home and arguments break out about how much this is; he desperately wants to keep the house as he feels he’s lost everything else. So as his sister I can see that she shouldn’t have the equity; legally he put the cash in and now gets the house. However as the other sort of sister I feel great sympathy for her- she was the homemaker;looked after the child and spent any money she had on food, nappies etc. So should she now lose out?

As the argument drags on it looks more likely that lawyers will be involved and the discussion is ended- they get any cash available!

Would you have sex for £20,000?

This scenerio pops up all the time in films..often with amusing consequences….however in the ongoing saga of my brothers relationship break down this happended for real…

My brothers girlfriend dumped him; took the child and left him all alone…(ahhh..). The relationship breakdown came around 2 years after they poured everything they had (and everything the family had) into buying their first home. The girlfriend was expecting to get half the equity that had built up in the house (she estimated this at £20,000). He said no; he’d paid the mortgage; put more deposit in etc. Plus he’d lose the house if he had to give her £20,000. Legally he’s right she paid a fifth of the deposit and so gets a fifth of the equity…morally I think she may have a point…

Anyway she invites him up to the house, plies him with drink and seduces him….they spend a stormy night together…in the morning he thinks they may get back together….she whispers in his ear….so about the money….. He doesn’t give in and she immedietely stops talking to him…

So the question is, would you, could you sleep with somebody for money…or advantage? What if you’ve slept with them for love before? What if they’re cute?

Bound

This is a fab film! Its funny and clever and entertaining and unpredictable…. I watched with my partner on Friday night and was really impressed. A women, fresh out of prison moves into a building where a mob member and his glamourous girl live- cue much smouldering sexual tension between the 2 women….who eventually get it on. The glamourous girl has had enough of the mobster she describes as work and decides to rip him off…lots of shooting…and will they won’t they get away with it…A crime film with enough tension and ‘new’ characters to bring real suspense. Its really good to see some intelligent strong women characters….Although I do wonder if we could have films with women like this but straight…are the only intelligent women lesbians?

 

And why were we watching a film? Because we’d had an enormous row on Thursday about the fact that he never wants to do anything; never organises a night out etc. So Friday he comes home with a bottle of wine, some dinner ingredients and cooks me a lovely meal. I was really surprised as he’s not really one to think of this sort of thing. We had a great evening together. I noticed on Sunday that he’d added a bottle of wine to the shopping….Could this be standing order romance? If so; at least he’s trying!

Medical Choice

The current political agenda emphasises the need for medical choice. Recently I’ve been confronted with this choice and not really known what to do with it……I am intelligent, professional and relatively well informed but I don’t feel qualified to excercise choice

Scenerio 1

I went to the opticians and they found some scarring on the back of my eye and said I should go to the eye clinic. They contacted 2 eye clinics both of which wrote to me to arrange appointments. Nobody had told me that this might happen….I don’t know anything about either clinic. I phoned both and picked the one that offered me the most convenient time. They then changed the time at short notice on two occasions so I went to the other…..But I knew nothing about the care that I would receive (which was excellent).

Scenario 2

To treat or not to treat….My son has a slight speech impediment. I went to the doctors to see if he should have a hearing test as I’d been told that children normally have a hearing test before they start school. The doctor said no…but that he could be referred (infact it was a locum and he said he didn’t know who we could refer him to but he was sure that there was somebody)…the referral came through to the speech and language therapist. The doctor who referred him never heard him speak and I’m concerned that he may not need to see anybody and that the process of going to see a speech therapist may make him self concious.

Scenario 3

The dreaded eye injury…when I injured my eye recently I attended 2 A+E departments. They both saw me quickly, were friendly polite and efficent….but offered slightly different treatments. The first gave me no pain relief to speak of but recommended follow up treatment. The second recommended no follow up treatment but gave me pain killers, a tetnus injection, eye drops and an eye patch. They both felt that the eye ointment was very important and this was given by the first and checked by the second. However I’ve no idea which of the other two approaches was more appropriate….

Incidentally I saw an eye doctor and everything was fine! 

Scenario 4…the dreaded MMR debate- need I say more?

Tears

Today I was teaching financial accounting; one student ran out in tears….3 times. I assumed (wrongly) that she must have personal problems….but no its the financial accounting thats the problem. Teaching a professional qualification I’m often surprised by the number of students I reduce to tears. She feels that she just isn’t getting it….she isn’t. I don’t know what to say…there is still time.

My partially sighted student had a support assistant today- that was interesting as I’ve taught somebody with a support assistant before. I think it might have worked better if the support assistant had been that at the begining of the course as he seemed to struggle to write down what was required….If he had been for it to help now he would have had to learn accountancy to some degree. which then lead me to an interesting question…should I be trying to teach the support assistant?

The support assistant and the student talked in another language; I couldn’t tell what they were saying and therefore found it hard to offer appropriate assistance. They may have been discussing the football!!

Does my son have ADH?

No NO No….He definitely does not. I think my son is a thoughtful well behave boy; who broadly speaking does as he’s told; has the odd tantrum; and is slightly obsessive he really gets hold of an idea and likes to see it through. His teacher describes him as ‘lovely’ ; ‘adorable’; dreamy  and so so polite….She sees the boy I see. His friends and their parents seem to find him easy, his nursery teachers liked him.

However in our family he is somehow seen as this nightmare child who is totally out of control. My step-dad recently asked me if he had ADH and could perhaps be treated for his behavior…This behaviour consists of 1) being a fussy eater and 2) getting over excited. When he’s over excited he doesn’t go to sleep well…..The next day he’s overexcited and overtired….more tantrums…I admit here there is a case for me excercising more control at bedtime but I’m shocked at the desire to find a medical explanation…I’m also surprised that the child I have reflected back to me is so different from the one I see. I would think I was deluding myself but as the teachers see the same child I see…..

 

Whats so bad about that?

I had the scary sister-in-law to stay at the weekend. She has views and considers it her duty to express them…. On this occasion she felt my parenting skills were lacking….The precise sin I committed? Letting my 5 year old son have an IPod. Just to clarify I didn’t go out and buy an IPod for my 5 year old; but mine broke and I was soo gutted that I replaced it; my engineeringly minder partner then fixed the original one for his own use. The 5 year old then used it to listen to his favourite CD (World Playground) as dad didn’t want to hear it again…..he then referred to it as ‘my IPod’; nobody bothered to correct him.

 

Surely there are worse parenting sins?? My sister-in-law also believes that are children are polite and well behaved where as mine is a nightmare obviously as a result of poor parenting I personally have no opinions on other peoples parenting skills…afterall we all have to make a million decisions a day…most of these are based on compromise. And therefore its best if other people just stay out of it….

More on the pregnant man…

I can’t get this out of my head….

My first thought #(not the one I want to stick with so bare with me) is that it wrong. Men can’t have children; changing sex then having children is….cheating. The single thing that has most defined my experience of being a woman is having children therefore somebody who is a man cannot bear children…its not part of the package. However when I examine this more closely I can see some fundamental flaws in this logic. If I couldn’t have children would I still be a woman? If I was sterilised would I still be a woman? If I choose not to bear children am I still a woman? Clearly I am therefore its not that thats the crux of being a woman….and so can’t be the crux of being a man either. Which leads me to the question- what is the difference between men and women? When my son asked me this I said it was the penis and that was all that mattered and so if he wanted to dress as a fairy (wings, skirts, a wand) then he damn well could. Since then I’ve become friends with somebody who claims to be trans and so doesn’t have a penis (I haven’t checked!) and he so clearly is a man that I’m begining to think this might not be it either…I also read about somebody who lost their’s and it would seem wrong to deny their sex on these grounds; what about sterilisation is a non-functioning penise as good as the other sort in determining sex?

Which brings me to a childhood joke; If a stool with four legs wobbles what do you do? If a stool with three legs wobbles what do you do? both sexes answer put some paper under the leg to the first; women give the same answer to the second however males  answer 3 legged stools can’t wobble. This seems to work remarkably well with the added bonus that both sexes feel their answer is superior…women for their practicality, men for their logic…But then does that take us to a socially constructed view of sexuality?

Pregnant Man

http://doctorz.wordpress.com/2008/03/30/on-the-pregnant-man-story/ I read this blog, which is a thoughtful, informed view on the subject. It did however lead me to some less thoughtful less well informed thoughts….Firstly antenatal classes would have been a lot more fun if there was a pregnant man there….it was all so worthy with the men sidelined and desperate to say the right thing…And woman at their most motherly; I’m sure that if a pregnant man had been there the possibility that men may be involved in this parenting malaky may have to have been considered. At one point a we were divided into male and female groups so that we could ‘honestly’ say what we most feared…the acceptable male answer was ’seeing my wife in pain’ . One man answered ’stretch marks- ultimate turnoff’; which as I didn’t have to live with him struck me as the one moment of geniune humour in the whole course.Although now I think about it- I was also very amused when the midwife told my husband he’d have to help more around the house- possibly learn how to make his own breakfast. I’m not sure people who can’t put cereal in a bowl and add milk should be allowed to breed.Secondly I was reminded of how many people have some sort of assisted conceptions- at an NCT meeting I was shocked to find that mine was the only entirely naturally occurring pregnancy…It seems half of us are desperately trying not to get pregnant whilst the other half are trying to. As for men getting pregnant- bring it on I say! Its not much fun…. 

Natures Bounty

Things are getting going in the garden; last week on my birthday the hens obligingly began to lay so we know have lovely fresh eggs in the morning….lots of lovely fresh eggs…around 3 a day…This fills me with a mixture of joy and horror…joy at natures bounty and horror at all the eggs…I’m not sure my partner likes eggs and I’m uncertain of how many egg based recipes I can slip in before my son notices…I’m not even sure how much I like eggs…This sudden profusion of eggs led me to thinking about spring and I noticed with delight (and horror) that the plum tree is in blossom, this can only mean one thing; its getting closer to plum season. The garden will fill with plums- well they might be plums- could be damsons I can’t really say one way or the other- before the plum tree I never really thought about plums, I certainly don’t think I ever bought them. I don’t mind plums as a fruit but between the toes as you accidentally slip is most unpleasant. My partner also has the habit of coming up behind me and romantically slipping one in my mouth, very sweet the first time, but last season I did find myself edging away from him at likely looking moments when my palate wasn’t thinking, ‘oh I know plums’.This year I intend to share the burden (I mean bounty) so soon our neighbours will also be full of eggs and  plums (or damsons).