Medical Choice

The current political agenda emphasises the need for medical choice. Recently I’ve been confronted with this choice and not really known what to do with it……I am intelligent, professional and relatively well informed but I don’t feel qualified to excercise choice

Scenerio 1

I went to the opticians and they found some scarring on the back of my eye and said I should go to the eye clinic. They contacted 2 eye clinics both of which wrote to me to arrange appointments. Nobody had told me that this might happen….I don’t know anything about either clinic. I phoned both and picked the one that offered me the most convenient time. They then changed the time at short notice on two occasions so I went to the other…..But I knew nothing about the care that I would receive (which was excellent).

Scenario 2

To treat or not to treat….My son has a slight speech impediment. I went to the doctors to see if he should have a hearing test as I’d been told that children normally have a hearing test before they start school. The doctor said no…but that he could be referred (infact it was a locum and he said he didn’t know who we could refer him to but he was sure that there was somebody)…the referral came through to the speech and language therapist. The doctor who referred him never heard him speak and I’m concerned that he may not need to see anybody and that the process of going to see a speech therapist may make him self concious.

Scenario 3

The dreaded eye injury…when I injured my eye recently I attended 2 A+E departments. They both saw me quickly, were friendly polite and efficent….but offered slightly different treatments. The first gave me no pain relief to speak of but recommended follow up treatment. The second recommended no follow up treatment but gave me pain killers, a tetnus injection, eye drops and an eye patch. They both felt that the eye ointment was very important and this was given by the first and checked by the second. However I’ve no idea which of the other two approaches was more appropriate….

Incidentally I saw an eye doctor and everything was fine! 

Scenario 4…the dreaded MMR debate- need I say more?

Tears

Today I was teaching financial accounting; one student ran out in tears….3 times. I assumed (wrongly) that she must have personal problems….but no its the financial accounting thats the problem. Teaching a professional qualification I’m often surprised by the number of students I reduce to tears. She feels that she just isn’t getting it….she isn’t. I don’t know what to say…there is still time.

My partially sighted student had a support assistant today- that was interesting as I’ve taught somebody with a support assistant before. I think it might have worked better if the support assistant had been that at the begining of the course as he seemed to struggle to write down what was required….If he had been for it to help now he would have had to learn accountancy to some degree. which then lead me to an interesting question…should I be trying to teach the support assistant?

The support assistant and the student talked in another language; I couldn’t tell what they were saying and therefore found it hard to offer appropriate assistance. They may have been discussing the football!!

Does my son have ADH?

No NO No….He definitely does not. I think my son is a thoughtful well behave boy; who broadly speaking does as he’s told; has the odd tantrum; and is slightly obsessive he really gets hold of an idea and likes to see it through. His teacher describes him as ‘lovely’ ; ‘adorable’; dreamy  and so so polite….She sees the boy I see. His friends and their parents seem to find him easy, his nursery teachers liked him.

However in our family he is somehow seen as this nightmare child who is totally out of control. My step-dad recently asked me if he had ADH and could perhaps be treated for his behavior…This behaviour consists of 1) being a fussy eater and 2) getting over excited. When he’s over excited he doesn’t go to sleep well…..The next day he’s overexcited and overtired….more tantrums…I admit here there is a case for me excercising more control at bedtime but I’m shocked at the desire to find a medical explanation…I’m also surprised that the child I have reflected back to me is so different from the one I see. I would think I was deluding myself but as the teachers see the same child I see…..

 

Whats so bad about that?

I had the scary sister-in-law to stay at the weekend. She has views and considers it her duty to express them…. On this occasion she felt my parenting skills were lacking….The precise sin I committed? Letting my 5 year old son have an IPod. Just to clarify I didn’t go out and buy an IPod for my 5 year old; but mine broke and I was soo gutted that I replaced it; my engineeringly minder partner then fixed the original one for his own use. The 5 year old then used it to listen to his favourite CD (World Playground) as dad didn’t want to hear it again…..he then referred to it as ‘my IPod’; nobody bothered to correct him.

 

Surely there are worse parenting sins?? My sister-in-law also believes that are children are polite and well behaved where as mine is a nightmare obviously as a result of poor parenting I personally have no opinions on other peoples parenting skills…afterall we all have to make a million decisions a day…most of these are based on compromise. And therefore its best if other people just stay out of it….

More on the pregnant man…

I can’t get this out of my head….

My first thought #(not the one I want to stick with so bare with me) is that it wrong. Men can’t have children; changing sex then having children is….cheating. The single thing that has most defined my experience of being a woman is having children therefore somebody who is a man cannot bear children…its not part of the package. However when I examine this more closely I can see some fundamental flaws in this logic. If I couldn’t have children would I still be a woman? If I was sterilised would I still be a woman? If I choose not to bear children am I still a woman? Clearly I am therefore its not that thats the crux of being a woman….and so can’t be the crux of being a man either. Which leads me to the question- what is the difference between men and women? When my son asked me this I said it was the penis and that was all that mattered and so if he wanted to dress as a fairy (wings, skirts, a wand) then he damn well could. Since then I’ve become friends with somebody who claims to be trans and so doesn’t have a penis (I haven’t checked!) and he so clearly is a man that I’m begining to think this might not be it either…I also read about somebody who lost their’s and it would seem wrong to deny their sex on these grounds; what about sterilisation is a non-functioning penise as good as the other sort in determining sex?

Which brings me to a childhood joke; If a stool with four legs wobbles what do you do? If a stool with three legs wobbles what do you do? both sexes answer put some paper under the leg to the first; women give the same answer to the second however males  answer 3 legged stools can’t wobble. This seems to work remarkably well with the added bonus that both sexes feel their answer is superior…women for their practicality, men for their logic…But then does that take us to a socially constructed view of sexuality?

Pregnant Man

http://doctorz.wordpress.com/2008/03/30/on-the-pregnant-man-story/ I read this blog, which is a thoughtful, informed view on the subject. It did however lead me to some less thoughtful less well informed thoughts….Firstly antenatal classes would have been a lot more fun if there was a pregnant man there….it was all so worthy with the men sidelined and desperate to say the right thing…And woman at their most motherly; I’m sure that if a pregnant man had been there the possibility that men may be involved in this parenting malaky may have to have been considered. At one point a we were divided into male and female groups so that we could ‘honestly’ say what we most feared…the acceptable male answer was ’seeing my wife in pain’ . One man answered ’stretch marks- ultimate turnoff’; which as I didn’t have to live with him struck me as the one moment of geniune humour in the whole course.Although now I think about it- I was also very amused when the midwife told my husband he’d have to help more around the house- possibly learn how to make his own breakfast. I’m not sure people who can’t put cereal in a bowl and add milk should be allowed to breed.Secondly I was reminded of how many people have some sort of assisted conceptions- at an NCT meeting I was shocked to find that mine was the only entirely naturally occurring pregnancy…It seems half of us are desperately trying not to get pregnant whilst the other half are trying to. As for men getting pregnant- bring it on I say! Its not much fun…. 

Natures Bounty

Things are getting going in the garden; last week on my birthday the hens obligingly began to lay so we know have lovely fresh eggs in the morning….lots of lovely fresh eggs…around 3 a day…This fills me with a mixture of joy and horror…joy at natures bounty and horror at all the eggs…I’m not sure my partner likes eggs and I’m uncertain of how many egg based recipes I can slip in before my son notices…I’m not even sure how much I like eggs…This sudden profusion of eggs led me to thinking about spring and I noticed with delight (and horror) that the plum tree is in blossom, this can only mean one thing; its getting closer to plum season. The garden will fill with plums- well they might be plums- could be damsons I can’t really say one way or the other- before the plum tree I never really thought about plums, I certainly don’t think I ever bought them. I don’t mind plums as a fruit but between the toes as you accidentally slip is most unpleasant. My partner also has the habit of coming up behind me and romantically slipping one in my mouth, very sweet the first time, but last season I did find myself edging away from him at likely looking moments when my palate wasn’t thinking, ‘oh I know plums’.This year I intend to share the burden (I mean bounty) so soon our neighbours will also be full of eggs and  plums (or damsons).

Birthdays

 ! I’m no longer in my early 30s. This week I turned 34, I’m not sure how I feel about this. Turning 30 was good- I was on a high I was looking good, fab job,  great partner, lovely son and a house that was big enough to feel like an achievement…whats changed?? Not much…same job, same partner, same house…I’m a little fatter (size UK 14 so not exactly obese!)…I just don’t feel that things have moved on…and yet there is nothing I really want to change…What can I say?? I should be grateful- its just a likely strange to have achieved my life plan by 30. I kind of feel I have some time left over… The Birthday itself was lovely- thoughtful presents from those I love (well my son gave me a pink skipping rope but he chose it very careful). My partner took me to the theatre and to my favourite restaurant. The restaurant was amazing- its the Ikon in Birmingham; it serves authentic Catalan tapas and is one of the most interesting places I’ve been for vegetarian food…The theatre was very good but not gripping. We went to see the Lady from the Sea (Ibsen) it seemed to be very well done but a slightly odd play. Well almost 2 plays its the story of a family and the daughters are going through a very conventional life stuck out in the middle of nowhere waiting for husbands to rescue them….whilst the step mother loses her mind. She has fallen ion love with somebody other than the husband, somebody who represents the freedom of the sea (possibly a drowned man). She cannot rest- eventually he comes for her and her husband releases her to go with him…once given a choice that allows her to exercises her own free will she choses her husband and children and the much smaller world…The set was amazing operating on a number of levels and with real water and flowers, using reflections to create a sense of space…A little hard work with 1 eye….It did make me long for the sea….

My husband is perfect…

Its driving me crazy.I know that really I shouldn’t hold this against him but my husband is perfect. He shares the household chores (OK he does most of them), he’s the one who remembers to clean the sink and loads the dishwasher. He cooks sometimes and takes an equal responsibility for the childcare. If my son is ill then the school should phone the husband….However the thing that annoys me is that everybody tells me how damn wonderful he is!! If a woman were to do the same then nobody would mention it.  When I was studying accountancy people would ask me what the husband did whilst I was studied (to which I was always tempted to answer wank); when I have to stay over night for work people ask me where my son is (tied to the radiator) and seem to think that at home with his dad is a surprising answer…The school don’t phone the husband- however explicit my instructions…

My eye..I lied

I am currently taking a week off work due to an eye injury. My son poked me in the eye with his finger nail. It hurt like hell…then hurt some more…This is the closest I’ve come to taking time off work for child related reasons…and I’ve lied about how the injury occurred. In my workplace parents with children are allowed 2 days special leave to cover breakdown of childcare arrangements etc. I have never taken this…  I feel it would undermine my position as a career focused women…the person who sits opposite me seems to have a child who often makes her late, absent or leave early…  Anyway I have yet again been completely impressed by the NHS- the injury occurred whilst away for the weekend (Blackpool, staying with friends not doing the tacky kiss me quick thing). I spent all day convincing myself that surely the problem would disappear but no such luck- so I ended up in A+E on bank holiday Sunday…where I was seen and treated within an hour. It was efficient polite and effective. Today I went to the eye clinic for a follow up; it was similarly quick, efficient, pleasant etc. The only thing I would change are the chairs- they are arranged in a kind of maze which makes it difficult to find a seat without volting over a row of chairs…tricky to negotiate with an eye injury..